Bronnie Ware has pulled together a brilliant and worthy tapestry of her own life experiences and those of the dying to create a motivating story all about living life to the full. Not 'busy' full, but full of meaning. Here's my review, as a life coach, of 'The top 5 regrets of the dying' by Bronnie Ware.
About the Author
Bronnie has had a really interesting life, one very different to my own experiences and way of living. She’s a free-spirited traveller, roaming Australia, floating where work or life takes her. Personally, I’m too much of a homebody wired for consistency and connection to enjoy her way of living (it would stress me out!). You can tell from reading Bronnie’s book that she has a huge heart and has done a lot of work on healing and growing herself. Being a palliative carer has played a significant role in her compassion, self-awareness and healing journey. Her honesty about her darkest days was unexpected but provides a perspective of hope to those in the deepest of mental health challenges.
Why I chose this book
Who doesn’t want to be a fly on the wall and learn from the wisdom and reflections of those at the end of their lives? As a Coach my life’s work is to support clients to experience deeply fulfilling lives today and into the future, so this book was a must read. My specialisation is in work/life cohesion, confidence and sustainable excellence so of course I wanted to learn how these topics thought about by those who’s time it is to depart this world.
How easy or challenging was this book to read?
This was a very easy book to read. It’s Bronnie’s life story (which I didn’t expect but it was a nice way to weave it all together) infused with the stories and lessons of those she cared for as they were dying. I always find stories so much easier to flow through and read when it comes to learning, this book was exactly that.
Key messages of this book:
Our society hides death, yet it happens all around us to people of all ages, all stages of life, potential filled and that left unfilled. When we accept the reality of dying, we can accept the true importance of living intentionally
Self-love, self-expression and intentional decisions are core to a regret free life
Meaningful, expressive and open communication with those we love is foundational for a fulfilling life, being seen and known and truly seeing and knowing others is deeply important for meaningful connection
We are products of our environment and our life is the product of our resulting decisions and sacrifices (conscious and subconscious). Changing our environment (including the company we keep) can help us to make increasingly healthy, empowered and fulfilling life decisions
A simple life leads to a greater quality of life. The simpler life is, the more present you are for it.
Effectively, a life spent knowing, loving and respecting yourself will be the most rewarding for you and the people you love.
I know, I know, you want to know the top 5 regrets, right?
A shortcut so you don’t have to read the whole book… The thing is… There’s nothing new about these regrets. They’re what we would expect them to be. The question is, how are they relevant to you, to the way you’re living your life? I mean how you currently live, not how you used to live when you were young and free or what you imagine for future you, but for today?
With that pre-amble… here are the top 5 regrets of the dying:
I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends
I wish I had let myself be happier
How this book impacted me as an individual:
I’ve been slowing down and honing in on knowing, respecting and expressing myself for years now. Quality over quantity, choosing what I’m applying myself to, no more busyness and stress - just me, my husband, my kids and investing time and energy into what’s most important to us and our vision. Reading this book encouraged me that this has been an incredibly wise and wholesome life decision.
It was good to read and connect with the lessons of the dearly departing, it was grounding to cry and feel their feelings.
I’m a deep philosophical thinker who’s truly passionate about people leading fulfilling lives, so this topic and rare insight into the reflections of the dying was exceptionally interesting for me
Oddly I felt quite unsettled about Bronnie’s lifestyle choices, being a floater/traveller without a home base was a big one I couldn’t connect with. Especially because a lot of her own pain and discomfort came from this decision. I could feel the tension she had in her life, the push and pull between her love of freedom and adventure and the desire for being grounded and secure.
How this book impacted me as a Life Coach:
I respect that we all live differently, each making different choices along our journeys. My career as a life coach is about helping people make the right choices for them so that their unique life is as satisfying and fulfilling as possible. With that in mind, my heart ached for those who dyed with regrets because they couldn’t or didn’t access 1:1 support like this, support that could have re-written and erased the regrets they left the world with.
I guess as a life coach it affirmed to me, yet again, of the importance of the work that I do specialising in work/life cohesion, confidence and sustainable excellence – bringing people back to themselves, to their loved ones and what’s truly important to them in life.
Who would benefit from reading this book?
Anyone caught up in a fast-paced life, busy with work or busy doing everything for everyone else
The person who is struggling to feel confident in who they are and make life shaping decisions for themselves
Philosophical thinkers who like to zoom out on life and find the greater meaning in this wild journey that we’re on
Quotes from the book:
“Living regret-free is not something achievable in a flash. It is created by an ongoing day-to-day process of conscious decisions, loving actions to ourselves, and a whole bucket full of courage.”
“In our heart, we want to live our best life, which also includes daring to be our best self.”
“If I can tell you one thing about life, Bronnie, it’s this. Don’t create a life where you’re going to regret working too hard. I didn’t know I was going to regret it until now, when I’m facing the very end. But deep in my heart, I knew I was working too hard… There’s nothing wrong with loving your work and wanting to applying yourself to it, but there is so much more to life. Balance is what is important, maintain balance.” Palliative Care patient John, Page 97
“I began to wonder why we are all so afraid of being open and honest. Of course, we do it to avoid pain that may come as a result of our honesty. But those walls we create bring pain of their own, by stopping others from knowing who we truly are. Watching the tears fall down that lovely old man’s face, as he longed to be known ad understood, changed me forever.” Page 139
“Every day is a gift now. Every day was always a gift, but it’s only now I have slowed down enough to truly see the huge amount of beauty each day offers. We take so much for granted.” Palliative care patient Cath, page 222
Honestly, I could put endless quotes from this book here, which is proof in itself of how significant a read this book was for me and how much I want to share its lessons and wisdom with others.
If you go on to read this book or would recommend a similar book please get in touch and let me know!
Steph Edmunds
About the Author:
Steph Edmunds is a Tasmanian based Certified Professional Life Coach, Speaker and Facilitator specialising in Work/Life Cohesion and Sustainable Excellence for driven individuals and teams. Visit the Success Coaching Tasmania website for more information.
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